Religion is a tricky one. Many moons ago, well after humans crawled out of swamps, the collective intelligence grappled - as we do now - with the eternal question: 'How the bloody hell did we get here?' Not content with: 'Not sure about that', various documenters of civilisations around a disconnected world began that fine human characteristic which carries through to this day, i.e. BULLSHITTING.

Bullshitting allows for humankind the creation of what is called a 'feedback loop'; where fear (of death, the unknown), forces us to provide an out (the afterlife, reincarnation, etc.). Voila! No more fear! (Apparently.)

Anyway, back in the day, the bullshitters bullshat so much blistering bullshit that the bullshotten had no option but to jump on board the bullshit bus, feeding it with cash and enlisting ever more bullshittees.

Jump to now, and after many a fine war, kiddie fiddle, raped and subjugated woman and destroyed culture later, we arrive at dateline 2007, Australia, where two fine, upstanding Christian men (or something) recently pitted their wits for a slice of the bullshit pie. 

Now, the bullshit in these types of scenarios can reach heights traversed only by those early scribes atop the pantheon of bovine-excrement fiction, and the 2007 campaign for power certainly did that.

The Labor leader, who snacks out on earwax and does a convincing impersonation of a Liberal, would seem to be a shoo-in in the race for the hearts and minds of that increasingly important mob - the conservative Christian demographic. Not yet as powerful or organised as the Christian Right in the US - whose support of Bush got that god-fearing, peaceful Christian soldier into power - the 100,000 or so believers still represent a fair chunk of the electorate. The great thing about them is they are easy to bullshit to. (See above)

The old Liberal, a crafty simpleton (paradoxical yet true) who loves nothing more than an unrestrained economy and is scared of the dark (people), had a good hard crack at the ning-nongs as well.

In a webcast address to Australian Christians last August, Howard acknowledged that 'God is neither Liberal nor Labor' ( Is it a Democrat?), before telling the God-squad that he was guided by the little known "Parable of the Talents" when considering small business policy. To Howard, this parable has always "seemed to be the free-enterprise parable... (telling us)...we have a responsibility if we are given assets to add to those assets."

Now that is some primo bullshitto as a New Australian might say.

Translated, it means: tax high, remove workers rights, and spend those assets we have been given like Zimbabwean dollars to buy votes. See? Simple, yet crafty.

Confronted with a question from within the assembled Christian leadership as to how he would make a "fairer, more balanced family life more achievable for Australians", Howard went back to his feedback loop: "The first and most important thing we can do is continue to run a strong economy, by lowering wages and working Australian families into the ground." (The bit after the comma was thrown in by the author, but would anyone have noticed?)

Ruddy-duddy contended that his Christian beliefs gave him a "unifying vision" for the nation, before ruling out the recognition of same-sex marriages. That sort of thing works brilliantly with Christians, I'm told. (You can hear the slogan:"Australians Unite!*" (*Except heathens, fags and dykes))

Maybe the giving nature of these two gracious leaders is best exemplified by their respective positions on foreign aid as a percentage of GDP. Currently a very Christian 0.35% (described by Sir Bob Geldof as "embarrassingly pathetic", making us "one of the meanest countries in the world"), Rudd wants to bump it up a mighty 0.15% to 0.5% by 2015, which would basically alleviate global poverty, if my calculator is correct.

What impact that had on the Christian vote would be interesting to find out. My hope is that they confronted their collective conscience and surprised with a show of support for the gay Green leader, but my guess is they fell for either Parable of the Bullshitter, and voted for 'God Guy' (A) or (B).